Cleaning a deceased loved one’s things is possibly one of the most daunting tasks for a grieving family. Often, our tendency may be to leave things untouched or to procrastinate the process so that we can avoid fresh reminders of our loss and having to relive the sorrow. Yet, this avoidance can also lead to a buildup of anxiety or guilt over the long run.
In the reality television series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, widow Margie Hodges faces the same dilemma after the passing of her husband of 40 years. For Margie, her husband’s many belongings were a constant reminder of his absence and the “big void in the house”. Even so, she still found it incredibly hard to “just get rid” of his things.
Here are three helpful things we can learn from her process of tidying her husband’s things.
1. Allows us to ease the pain of the past
One of the hardest things for Margie to do was to clean out her husband’s clothes in their closet. She saw those clothes every day when she went to get her own things. In a way, the process of clearing out those things was “therapeutic”, because she was able to acknowledge things she had not allowed herself to think.
It is normal to repress our thoughts and feelings towards an experience of loss. As such, this process of cleaning provides us with a healthy outlet to release our emotions, which is a crucial step in recovering from our grief and easing our pain.
2. Helps us to start thinking about the future in a positive way
Giving or throwing away a loved one’s things often feels like getting rid of our memories and experiences with them, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Though we definitely associate things with memories, our memories of the loved one ultimately live in our minds and not the items.
Marie Kondo suggests keeping a few things that best represents or reminds us of the person. In this way, we are able to have something to honor their memory and bring us comfort, rather than a hoard of items that remind us of their absence.
For Margie, the process also allowed her to think more about what she wanted to do in the future—including picking up her old hobbies and travelling again.
3. Provides an opportunity for us to reflect on our life
For Margie, the process of cleaning out her husband’s possessions allowed her to recall the life she shared with her husband and reflect on what she values and hopes for in her life moving forward.
Similarly, our life experiences make up a huge part of who we are. Hence, going through this process can help us reflect on our own lives and be the best person we want to be.
At the end of the day, going through and cleaning up a deceased loved one’s possessions is never easy. Yet, it is often necessary and we may end up finding the process healing and restorative.
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Grief is an incredibly personal journey and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. The numerous and complicated post-life affairs can also often leave one overwhelmed and anxious. To this end, Timeliss aims to provide clarity and assistance in this process, so that you can plan ahead for your family or yourself in a way that will best honor the deceased’s memory.
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